Self-Explanatory Blog Title:

Well, I've officially reached the zenith of my life. Britney was this weekend and man was it the best thing EVER. No really, ever.

Check out the red spandex pants. Love it!!! I peed my pants a little at this point...seriously.

The magic umbrella!

Crotch shot!

I could kick like that in high school. About 50 pounds ago.... I miss her already.

Surprises on Girl's Night

Last night I went to meet Carie, Melissa and Bevin for a nightcap at the Christian Union Building. Boy, was I in for a treat! I was chatting with Melissa about this lady who has a Massage Therapy and Pain Management Mobile Massage business and how one of her packages includes a 'Lypossage' which is a cellulite remover (or so she claims. If you want this lady's number, message me.) As I was imagining how awkward it would be for someone to rub my thighs and ass for an hour, this precious soul appeared on a stool next to me:

Ladies and gents, may I introduce Mrs. Diana Hunter (go read her blog here: http://dianaorienyc.blogspot.com/ ). I met Diana two years ago through our mutual friend Mrs. Carie Hart. Diana and I share a passion for two of the same things: wine and cheese. And by cheese, I mean all types of cheese (brie, gouda, blue, cheddar, feta, goat, swiss... I could go on forever.) So, as you can see, I was very excited to see her! What a surprise! Diana moved to New York with her new husband right after they got married, so I hadn't seen her since Carie's wedding (December 2007). (Now that I think about it, I might have seen her once since then, but I could be hungover.)

She shared stories about New York and how it's different from Louisiana and etc. etc. Most importantly she claims that she rode the same bus as Charlotte (Kristen Davis). What I want to know, is why the crap is Kristen Davis riding a city bus (reminding me of the episode where Carrie has to ride the bus when she's trying to save money to buy back her apartment from Aiden after they broke up. So she had to make 'lifestyle changes' in order to conserve money. At the bus stop she realizes that her SATC Column is being advertised on the side of the bus and a random lady asks her: "Why do you have to take the bus? You're on the bus!")? So yeah, I know we're in a recession, but seriously, why didn't she invest her money more wisely? Charlotte York McDougal Goldenblatt would never take a city bus. Perhaps Kristen is trying to separate herself from the 'Charlotte' image, but I can think of a lot better ways to do that... like coming out with a sex tape or become involved in a heroin drug ring.

Anyway, it is always so good to catch up with people... especially people who are real, honest, nice people. It is one of the things that I love the most. Just hearing all the great things that people are doing with their lives and how happy they are... it's just a favorite thing of mine.

(PS: Who else jumped up and down with excitement last night, when Jeff put up Natalie and Jessie? Because I sure did. I freaking love Jeff.)

New Poll of the Week!

Well, well, well. I am apparently a blogging fool today. On a roll with three blog entries posted before noon. I guess that's just how this day is going. So, the Poll of the Week closed with 6 of 13 votes saying that they are going to the beach for their summer vacas! That should be fun. And hot. More than likely, ALL of these beach visits are going to the locale below:

This photo was taken of me and my friends in Destin, Florida at a bachelorette party (Top 3 Bachelorette Parties Ever!) for my dear friend Carie Hart back in 2007. There we are, all lined up (minus the two who didn't make it into the photo, sorry Casey and Melissa, I think) on the beach with our matching airbrushed beach chairs. Good times.

Anyway, anyone from Louisiana only goes to one of two locations to the beach. 1. Destin. 2. Gulf Shores. It is a very rare exception to find a Louisianian who goes anywhere other than these two places or anywhere near the 'Flora-bama'. There are other beaches in the world, people! To each his own, I suppose.

So, yesterday, I did something really weird. I woke up by the alarm on my cell phone. Sent and received two texts. I took a shower and got ready. I went downstairs and made my coffee. Then I left the house. I got in the car and realized that I didn't have my cell phone. I went back inside and overturned the entire house for 5 minutes looking for the phone. It wasn't to be found anywhere, so I had to go to work phone-less. I got home from work at 4 and after MUCH intense searching, I found it. The new Poll of the Week is a quiz. So, where did I find my phone? Good luck!

New Poll of the Week!

Prepare yourselves, Britney fans. For you, this will be the best post EVER! For Non-Britney fans, just go ahead and go away. This is a HATER-FREE zone!

So, last week's poll closed with 8 of you preparing to be there! I'm so pumped because yesterday I scored three tickets to the show! Carie, Julie and myself will be there, in all of our white trash glory, to support our Louisianan childhood role model, Ringleader Britney!!!!:

I can just hear the 'wha-pish' of a whip now! So, for those of you who are going to the concert, which Britney do you plan on dressing up as?

SCHOOLGIRL BRITNEY

RED SPANDEX JUMPSUIT BRITNEY (OOPS I DID IT AGAIN)

BRITNEY AND JUSTIN: THE DENIM DYNAMIC DUO

I'M A SLAVE 4 U BRITNEY (AND SNAKE)

TOXIC BRITNEY (CRYSTAL-STUDDED SHEER ONESIE)

LIKE A VIRGIN BRITNEY

WHITE TRASH BRITNEY

K-FED-PHASE BRITNEY

BALD BRITNEY

GIMME MORE (BAD HAIR EXTENSIONS) BRITNEY

COMEBACK BRITNEY

Whew! That was semi-exhausting. So, there's a new poll this week about Seattle!! I will be there by the time that next week's poll closes, so go ahead and let me know what you think Seattle is best known for! Have a trashtastic weekend!

PS: For you Die-Hard Brit-Brit fans, please have a looksie at, what I personally think, to be her best performance ever! I remember watching it live and my parents telling me to "Turn that trash off!" If they only knew what was to come...

Things That Are Ridiculous Part Deaux

As I was on the phone with Carie today, in the background, or foreground of my face, was a commercial on TV. This commercial was SO ridiculous that I had to record it so that I could review it after I got off of the phone.

The commercial was for a "Bump - It":

http://www.bighappiehair.com/

Please note the spelling error in the website.

Apparently it transforms your hair from looking normal and natural, to this:

OH MY LORD why on earth would a person WANT to be a conehead?!?!? (Bevin Sutton and Julie Snyder, you both need to be reading this).

Seriously. This is out of control. I can understand a little teasing (not like that) or a little hairspray here and there. But seriously:

It's too much. In the next few years when you look back at pictures of yourselves and wonder why no one told you how ridiculous you look, refer to this blog.

Why Don't Animals Attack When You Want Them To?

This past weekend, I participated in the Martin Family Annual Crawfish Boil. Instead of Tshirts this year, we got cups!!! (The picture is a little blurry, but it says "Who's Your Crawdaddy?) It was a great party that included many many plumerias (which I will have to post about another day), 350+ lbs of crawfish, 1 margarita machine, and 2 kegs of Bud Lite.

I met a member of the family that I had never met before. THE Aunt Molly from Amarillo. This lady was FANTASTIC! She made taquitos, biscuits and gravy, lasagna, pea salad (don't like pea salad, but I'd eat hers every day for the rest of my life) and I'm sure there were plenty of other delicacies to write home about that appeared before I got there and were eaten after I left. (Mrs. Pam - if you are reading this, I'm going to need to get these recipes. She should write a cookbook!)

I got to visit with some friends whom I haven't seen in what seems like ages, but it's really only been like a month. Melissa and I even had a slumber party. Except we are too old to actually stay up all night, so we just gossiped and then fell asleep around 10, like our parents do. We got to see Raymond, The Blairs, The Harts (who we see more often than the rest) and so on and so on. Behold:

(Pictured above is John, Melissa and Kristen.) As we were sitting at the table enjoying our crawfish, a hellion child came over with a live crawfish and thought it would be fun to semi-attack us with it. I was hoping for the crawfish to put up a fight:

He proceeded to hold it (as pictured above) and take it around and either throw it at people, or leave it on their shoulders. Not cool, kid. Not cool. At one point he approached me with it. I said "You need to go ahead and take that away from this table, right now" (and then stomped my foot.) How motherly of me! I said it in a mean tone, like if he didn't stop, I was going to report him to his parent. And he left. He wandered away to torture someone else. Kristen decided that he behaves this way because he has a much younger sibling and is acting out to regain the attention that he once had, but has now lost. She's going to be a great mom!

Speaking of future great moms, here's Jen (Eric's sis) and her new puppy Jax. He is an American Bulldog (pit) and Boxer mix. Many Michael Vick jokes later, Jennifer decided to wrap Jax's neck with Mardi Gras beads for decoration. (Jen, down the road when you wonder why he's so violent, report back to this photo.)


A fun weekend was had by all. Many thanks to Ron, Pam and the rest of the Martins for their hospitality!