People That I'll (Probably) Never Get Over (Wine Night Edition)

Consider this your Flashback Tuesday on Thursday after Braden was evicted from the BB11 house. UGH!!! This is the only thing that has managed to cheer me up.

Exhibit A and only:

God Bless America. And the 90's.

New Poll of the Week!

Well, well... so last week's poll closed with a three way tie. Three of you thought that I left my phone in the front yard. Three said in my purse and three more said in my laundry basket. Well... the last three of you were correct. I came home to search all throughout my house AGAIN and found my little phone hiding in the corner of the laundry. Sneaky little LG.



New poll of the week begins today. Since SWEPCO (my power company) has decided to issue statments asking all of its customers to set their thermostats on 80, turn out their lights and computers and wait for rolling blackouts, I decided to discuss summer heat. How do you stay cool in the summer?

Things Every Girl Should Have

Back around 2005 when I first discovered the joy that is Ebay, I had my mind set upon purchasing this:

Yes, a hot pink Swiss Army Knife! Included in the set up is a pair of scissors, tweezers, a toothpick (ew), a nail file and a little bitty knife. I was so excited when I found out that they actually made pink ones, so I snatched it right up by being an aggressive bidder. Actually, now that I think about it, there was a "Buy It Now" option. I also got one for my sister in law, Annie, that was green (Isn't that nice of me?), but I don't think she realizes the awesomeness that she has been blessed with, unlike myself.

Fast forward a few years please to 2007. So, I am at the Dillards at St. Vincent Mall, looking desperately for a black dress for a bachelorette evening (it may have been for something else, but I think that's what it was). So, I look around the dress section and find two or three that I decide that I want to try on and head to the dressing room.

I try on the first dress and I thought, eh? Next... eh? So the last dress that I tried on was adorable. It fit slightly snugly, but it was super cute. Sold! So, I go to get out of it and something similar to this happened:

The damned thing was stuck. I was freaking stuck in this dress!!!!!! OMG What am I going to do? I am not going to call the lady to come get me out of it. I start sweating. A LOT (I'm pretty sure they keep it hot in those dressing rooms on purpose). Panic sets in. I decide that I should sit down, dress halfway over head, one arm out, one arm in. And think.

"Okay Kate. How are you going to get out of this one? It was so easy to get in that it HAS to come off right? RIGHT?? Dang it, this was such a cute dress too. I'm not going to have this moment happen to me again so I guess I shouldn't get it. How did the designer expect people like me, who are extremely intelligent, to get out of this? (Light bulb goes on!)"

So, what do I do, you ask? I reach into my purse and pull out my hot pink Swiss Army knife that has been with me through thick and thin all of those years. And what do I do with it? That's right. I cut myself out of the dress. With the tiny little scissors. Snip snip snip, right up the side. Once the dress was safely off and I was breathing normally again, I discovered a hidden zipper. Idiot! So, I hung it up on the hanger and nonchalantly strolled out of there to the safety of my car. And had a good laugh.

Moral of the story? ALWAYS have reinforcements!

El Chico and More

So this weekend we had John's Birthday Extravaganza Part Deux beginning with a dinner at his favorite Mexican restaurant in Shreveport: El Chico. There was an amazing turnout of friends that showed up... about twenty... and it ended up being a good time.

When we left The Boy, (after John decided to take his sombrero with him) we headed over to sing some karaoke. On the way over, these two got engaged!!!! Congratulations Joey and Megan Hynes!!! So exciting!

After John and Rex finished singing "The American Trilogy" Mrs. Scoggin showed up.

Shortly after we visited with Jamie, we headed home, but not before snapping a photo with the Sensational Six (Carie and Trav were missing from the Elite 8, so we had to do with the six).


Saturday, John took me to the amazing Don Juanz, famous for their Fresh Mex menu. The fish tacos sound disgusting but are anything but that. If you live in the Shreveport/Bossier Metroplex and haven't tried Don Juanz, I suggest you do. You will never look at Mexican food the same. http://www.donjuanz.com/

Saturday evening, John wanted to watch the UFC fight. So he and his coaching buddies got together to watch it, while their pregnant wives and myself (neither preg or a wife) sat downstairs and visited. Well, let me just say that I heard enough in a few hours about pushing a baby out of a V, episiotomies, enemas, lamaze class, baby bedding, breast pumping, nipple cream, pediatricians, gas, cravings, morning sickness, strollers, cribs, due dates, NICU's, hospitals, changing rooms, baby monitors, registering, and rice cereal to do me for my entire life. No thank you, babies.

So that's the weekend recap. (Oh! And we saw Bruno. Not as funny as Borat. So, don't waste your time or money.) Big Brother last night was eh. I'm ready for it to get ugly!

New Poll of the Week!

Well, well, well. I am apparently a blogging fool today. On a roll with three blog entries posted before noon. I guess that's just how this day is going. So, the Poll of the Week closed with 6 of 13 votes saying that they are going to the beach for their summer vacas! That should be fun. And hot. More than likely, ALL of these beach visits are going to the locale below:

This photo was taken of me and my friends in Destin, Florida at a bachelorette party (Top 3 Bachelorette Parties Ever!) for my dear friend Carie Hart back in 2007. There we are, all lined up (minus the two who didn't make it into the photo, sorry Casey and Melissa, I think) on the beach with our matching airbrushed beach chairs. Good times.

Anyway, anyone from Louisiana only goes to one of two locations to the beach. 1. Destin. 2. Gulf Shores. It is a very rare exception to find a Louisianian who goes anywhere other than these two places or anywhere near the 'Flora-bama'. There are other beaches in the world, people! To each his own, I suppose.

So, yesterday, I did something really weird. I woke up by the alarm on my cell phone. Sent and received two texts. I took a shower and got ready. I went downstairs and made my coffee. Then I left the house. I got in the car and realized that I didn't have my cell phone. I went back inside and overturned the entire house for 5 minutes looking for the phone. It wasn't to be found anywhere, so I had to go to work phone-less. I got home from work at 4 and after MUCH intense searching, I found it. The new Poll of the Week is a quiz. So, where did I find my phone? Good luck!

Childhood Reflections

Look how pretty these leaves are!

Now, imagine about a thousand of them, dead and buried in between thousands of these:

So, when my brother and I were children, my parents decided it would be a good idea to get a 'rock garden.' Why? I have NO earthly idea. My brother and I protested because we didn't understand their reasoning behind this rock garden, and honestly, flowers are prettier than rocks, but whatever. So, off they went making their beloved garden. I'm pretty sure Jeff and I stayed inside and watched either Old Yeller or Miracle on 34th Street (since these were the only two movies we owned that weren't cartoons), while they planted. Finally it was finished and it looked something like this (except remove cacti and insert gigantic oak trees. Also it was about 10 times this size):

Neat, I thought. A garden, minus flowers. Whatever. Whatever is right! It turns out that my parents secretly had devised a plan for when Jeff and I were to be punished. We would be banished to the 100 degree+ heat whenever we had done something wrong and we were to pick the leaves out of the rock garden. Just thinking back upon this, I wince. I remember wishing so many times to trade lives with Peaches the rat terrier because she didn't have to pick the leaves out of the rock garden. It was absolute torture. There were THOUSANDS of them, literally thousands!

So, yesterday when we went over to John's parents house for Father's day, I noticed that there was an unfinished fenced area around the side of their new house. I asked John, "What's going on over there?" He replied "Oh, Dad wants to build a rock garden." I instantly was teleported back to the age of 7 when I would get bloody and chapped fingers digging out those leaves. Poor Mackenzie and Jon-Thomas (John's 4 and 3 year old sister and brother.) They have no idea about their father's maniacal plan of what is in store for them in the upcoming years.

Being A Bridesmaid

To me, there isn't a greater honor than a friend inviting you to be in her wedding, especially as a bridesmaid. I know that a lot of people groan and complain about it, but really, they feel good inside because they beat out so many other people that they thought would be picked and eventually weren't. Suckas! Anyway, my dear friend Laura has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming nuptials to her fiance, Marcus. The happy couple:

Nothing says true love like people in drag! So anyway, the last couple of weeks she has been on the bridesmaid's dress search which, that itself is enough to make any bridesmaid concerned. A bridesmaid's dress makes it or breaks it for the wedding experience of said bridesmaid. If they are uncomfortable or hate their dress, then they are pissed the whole time and sit around complaining about it to anyone with ears.

So, imagine my delight when an absolutely amazing dress was chosen for the bridesmaids!!! I mean, seriously, gorgeous. I may, actually, wear it again. No really. I know you don't believe me, but I really will. And it was a decent price! Whew.

Now that I don't worry about wearing something God-awful, my next worry consists of the same feeling that Bridesmaid #5 feels in her friend's wedding photos:

Bless her heart! I know what she is feeling, because this is about to be me in this wedding. Laura's other bridesmaids are all practically runway models who prefer 'blah' over savory OR sweet. I lost my personal runway model status after high school when I forgot where the gym was located and discovered Better Cheddars.

So, I have decided to enroll myself in Bridesmaid Boot Camp stat! I refuse to be the fat bridesmaid. My new diet consists of juice, water, cottage cheese, fish (not fried) and celery. If you catch me consuming anything that isn't on that list, punch me in the face. Please.

Things That May or May Not Be Held Over My Head For the Rest of My Life

Over ten years ago, John picked me up for our first date (we were going to church) and he pulled up in the driveway and honked. In the pouring rain. Wasn't planning on coming to the door at all. My mother, myself and my friend Paige looked at each other in disbelief. He honked again. We continued to sit there and wait. Finally he came to the door. I haven't let him live it down since. I fear that my honk moment is on the horizon.

So, John and I are getting super excited about our trip to Seattle at the end of this month. I have booked the flights, and just a few days ago, I booked a hotel. We originally had a hotel that was going to cost us in the range of $1400 (is that too personal? Nah.) I thought that this was ASTRONOMICAL, but it was the hotel that John HAD to stay in because it was close to the part of town that he wanted to be. Well $1400 is nearly two mortgage payments for me and I am not going to pay that for a six day jaunt. So I started looking around for something that would end up costing us less. (We are cheap.)

I don't even remember how exactly I ran across this hotel, but I thought... for a total of $600 for six nights, and a block from PIKE PLACE MARKET (!!!!!!!), I do not need a hair dryer and flat screen with my room. So, I sent John a text saying, I found a hotel for $800 less than other room and he said get it. So I got it. I present to you The Moore Hotel:

The Moore was built in 1907 and has a lot of history behind those walls. There is also a theatre attached to it (the oldest theatre in Seattle) which was apparently the place to be when it was built. Acts still perform there today. I thought all of this was pretty cool when I went and looked around their website after I booked the trip. There weren't many photos on the website, but I looked on Trip Advisor and there was a 4 out of 5 star average. I kept investigating and found three interesting, yet hilarious reviews:

Review 1: "The greatest thing about the Moore is that it has the Nite Lite downstairs so you can get completely shitfaced drunk and stumble backup to your room with a stolen plant from the bar and since you are still in the same building not feel remorse for stealing it. If you get the suite there is a lovely table on which you can place the stolen, yet not stolen, plant and admire it." - Drue from San Francisco A photo of said Nite Lite (which upon further investigating, seems like a West Coast version of the Tiki Tavern minus the karaoke!):

Review 2: "There are a lot of sites to see around the hotel, including the adjoining Moore Theater. I am going off on a tangent from the hotel a moment, but the theater is reputed to be haunted. During our stay, the TAPS team was at the theater investigating paranormal acitivity throughout the night. If you are unaware, TAPS investigations are aired on the Sci-Fi channel and can be pretty entertaining. Back to the hotel. The lobby and the rooms are very spartan, but we are not here to stay at the hotel all day. The rooms lack air conditioning, but the windows open! We also got to spy on the camera crew below, after our night on the town. Three stars for the hotel, one more added for the "celebrity sighting" of TAPS. And yes, we would stay there again." - April from Portland (Steph- I need to borrow your tape recorder.)

Review 3: "Once you're checked in, you might notice all the marble lobby with the art decoish furniture, the creepy hallways (different floors are painted different colors, but it all looks like something out of a twilight zone episode) and the view from the upper floors. The Moore is a 'historic' hotel, meaning that sometimes the tile in the bathroom is cracked and the floors creak and there aren't many modern conveniences, but none of that matters because it's got crown moldings and shit. The Moore Hotel is also cheap, and right downtown. Visitors with drinking problems will appreciate all the bars nearby; The Nite Lite is in the building, The Whisky Bar is across the street, and Shortys, The Virginia Inn, and The Blarney Stone are just a couple blocks away. I'd stay here again next time I'm in Seattle (which should be soon.) P.S. Room 618 has a really cool iron clawfoot tub, in which at least one Yelper has passed out in a bridesmaid's dress." - Matthew from Boston

A photo of said creepy hallway:

Two more photos... Photo #1 of a few amenities. Photo #2 of a nice little view:

After further investigation and a few prayers, I decided that I am not worried. This looks like an upstanding, economical, historic, efficient (in terms of walking) and quaint decision that I have made. John may be slightly worried, but I am not. I am confident that this place will be fine and that we won't be attacked by zombies, or drunks and their plants.

However, if this is not the case, I am confident that this will be grounds for persecution for years to come.

Weekend Recap

Well, this weekend was slightly more eventful than I planned on it being. I got out of the house for approximately 3 hours on Saturday. Evidence of said outing is a photo of my dear friend Sarah (Sass) and I at her father's 50th birthday party extravaganza on Saturday.

This was the highlight of my official weekend, since my air conditioner decided to be ridiculous and not cool the house down correctly (a technician is coming out this afternoon). My father was nice enough to purchase a window unit for me for my bedroom. This is what it looks like:

For the record, mine only has one hose, yet it has about a pound of duct tape keeping it connected to the window. I try to keep it as Keithville as possible behind closed doors. So, besides laying on my couch and sweating and reapplying the duct tape that was coming loose from the window, I watched some TV and kept it a low-key weekend. I'm hoping that this week perks up from the blah that would classify the former week. Happy Monday!

Speaking of Hating My Hair

I decided this afternoon, following a blog entry about how I'm sick of my long hair, to cut my hair. Just thought I'd share. Front:

Pardon the black oval on my face. I am having an unfortunate face day in which my skin thought it would be fun to break out. And I didn't feel like wearing makeup.

Here's the back (please disregard the crap on the hand mirror). This took several tries to capture:

Anyway, this is my new shoulder length do. Now hopefully I can discard my can of Psssssst.

New Poll of the Week

Well, Readers, last weeks poll was decided by a landslide. My Hottest British Celeb Crush is:

Hey Jude, is right! Meow!! OK. There's a new poll up. If you care to vote, I'd love to know your opinion!

The Magic of Photoshop

Now, I am not one to normally go out and write something negative about a redhead (unless it's Carrot Top. He is a freak of nature that should be made fun of). However, today as I was hitting "Thumbs Down" on a John Mayer song (why, oh why does he seem to have similar musical qualities to Sting?) I noticed an advertisement where Wynonna Judd is featured. Apparently she has been hired as the spokesmodel for 'Connections' by Hallmark. Of all people, why you would hire this woman to the face of your company is beyond me:

Nevertheless, there she was invading my workspace with her face. However, she didn't look like she did recently in the above mugshot (arrest for drunk driving, bless her heart. GET A CAB WITH YOUR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS! Speaking of drunks, take my poll!), she did manage to look like a completely different person:

Wow!!!! If that is what a little Photoshop can do to a person, sign me up! The magical powers that be have managed to skim off, I'd say, about 50 lbs. She lost her other chin!!! And her NECK! I would love to lose my other chin. (Come on Slim-Fast and tennis. I have a high school reunion looming in the near future if you didn't read the first time I talked about it. Must. Look. Hot.) I wouldn't mind being enhanced in all photos, especially the one-armed ones that I like to take of me and my friends when we are too lazy to get up and ask someone next to us to take it. See for yourself:

So after some Googling, I remembered that Wynonna is the spokesmodel for another company. Alli (the diet pill, not Britney Spears' cousin). Maybe she lost all that Photoshop weight on her own (with the help of Alli of course). But for whatever reason, I doubt it.

Russian Roulette = Crack

Now, I know in this day and age no one watches the Game Show Network. (Except me!) I love old reruns of Let's Make A Deal, Family Feud, Pyramid, The Newlywed Game, etc. John constantly nags me about changing the channel when I decide that I want to watch an episode of Lingo, which is one of their newer shows (hosted by Chuck Woolery, formerly of Scrabble. God, I loved that man growing up).

One day whilst perusing the Guide option on the Direct TV remote, I saw that a show called Russian Roulette was on GSN. I thought, "Wow, this HAS to be good." Let me just say that I was not disappointed. First of all, it's hosted by Mark Wahlberg:

I knew that's the Mark Wahlberg that you were thinking of. But no, it's actually THIS Mark Wahlberg:

(If he looks familiar, but unplaceable, please refer back to the 90's when he was the host of Shop Til You Drop. It came on after Supermarket Sweep on Lifetime.) Apparently, Mark here has taken a career nosedive after that. Since STYD he has partaken in Temptation Island and Antiques Roadshow. I guess life threw him a bone, because now, like I said previously, he is the host of Russian Roulette.

I know what you're thinking. This show is probably about some sort of revolver with bullets and people die. Nah, too gruesome for GSN. It's actually a game where there are 4 contestants set above six trapdoors. They go around and challenge each other to answer questions (while completely trashtalking. Bonus!) If a question is answered correctly, a trapdoor is opened beneath them. The most trapdoors that can be opened are 5 (remember there are six total). So when a contestant gets a question wrong they have to pull a lever and thus the Russian Roulette starts. Sometimes they are safe and their trapdoor is spared, but other times you get this:

I apologize for the small photo. But please note that THE CONTESTANT DROPS THROUGH THE STAGE UNEXPECTEDLY AND IS NEVER SEEN FROM AGAIN!!!!

Seriously, THANK YOU Game Show Network. This is the most entertaining game show I have ever watched. Please, if you have a DVR, I beg of you... for guaranteed laughs, record this show and think to yourself "Wow, television can't get any better than this."

Super Greg!

Some things just never cease to make me laugh:



I just read somewhere that all this time Super Greg is portrayed by Sasha Baron Cohen. If you have never had the joy of experiencing the class that is, Super Greg, please visit this link:

Super Greg