Following Up... I Think

I don't know if I mentioned before that one of my New Year's Resolutions was to re-do (meaning paint and rearrange) my bedroom, but that was the plan. So, back during my two week hiatus where I fell into a deep depression of boredom, I bought all the stuff to get started. I got paint, brushes, trays, drop cloths and all that horsecrap in order to prepare to paint. And then it ended up on my dining room table for two months...

Until Friday night.

John and I ripped down some God-awful border and began the task of 'Home Improving' as some call it. Saturday we primed and painted - well John did most of the hard part, while I did things like tape, refill the paint tray and trim. Here is a preview of the result:


Don't judge the bad photo - it was taken with Halle (no offense Halle).

Be honest with me, is it too dark? Also, I bet you can take a wild guess at who was so careless as to paint parts of the ceiling green unintentionally (Hint: It wasn't me). Oh well, that will just have to be touched up at a later date, or covered with some crown molding. During the process of moving the furniture back to their destinations from the center of the room, my foot board was shattered and thus, is now pieces of it are leaning all over my room, along with the new bed frame that I purchased last night. So, indeed, this is still a work in progress and will have to be reconstrued and put about this weekend after John leaves to go on his cruise with the Belushi's.

More updates on this coming soon... stay tuned.

Low Moment of My Day

Yeah, so. The low moment of my day yesterday was coming back from running an errand to this refrigerator for me to clean.

That substance at the bottom is apple cider vinegar. It smelled just as good as you can imagine. Happy Friday.

Disappointment

I know you are all going to be shocked by this, but the newest show that I had been watching (in my spare time) was "Megan Wants A Millionaire". I am certain that the thought of watching this show yourselves is revolting since it is the most Keithville thing on television. Let me just say that you would be correct in your assumptions:

There is so much ridiculousness going on in this show that I can't help but watch. It is a train wreck of tackiness that I had to get on board for. The contestants claim to be millionaires and all of them basically say that they are on the lookout for a 'trophy wife' - enter Megan... who, to me, is absolutely NOT the definition of 'trophy wife', but since this IS VH1 that we are watching, (they who think that there is a need for shows such as "A Real Chance of Love 2" and "Rock of Love Bus", where Megan originally hailed from), I suppose that she will have to do.

So these contestants all basically try to out-spend each other via gifts for Megan. They had a pseudo-Valentine's Day a few episodes ago where one millionaire gave her a strip tease as a gift. Another wrote her a song called 'Sex Mode' (his credit was later declined). ?????? is really all that I know to say.

This contestant, named Ryan, flat out on the first episode told Megan that he basically needs to get married for a green card and that in exchange, he wouldn't make her sign a pre-nup... tempting, huh? Meet Ryan:

The downside to this story is that poor Ryan here is in custody for being accused of murdering his ex wife and mutilating her body. So... unfortunately for me, 'Megan' has been cancelled. To be fair and unfair all at the same time, Ryan did give off a creeper vibe with the whole green card request and whatnot. According to the press releases from VH1, Ryan ended up making it to the finals, but unfortunately, we may NEVER know who won Megan's heart. But I have a sneaking suspicion that there will be a 'Megan Wants A Millionaire 2.'

Things That I'm Uncertain About (Part 2)

At some point during the beginning of this month, Fox debuted a new show called "More to Love". The show is basically a fat people (or heavy-set if the word fat is offensive to you) version of 'The Bachelor'. If you would prefer a visual aid, here is the promo poster:

Also, consider this:

I am not sure if this show can get any more ridiculous. First of all, EVERY SINGLE ONE of the ladies complains about how they never got asked out, went to Prom, had a boyfriend, etc. etc. because of their weight. During these diary interviews, it never fails that someone starts crying. I guess they never thought that the reason that they've never been on a date is because they are so neurotic and annoying, instead of being big. But literally for everything, they use their size as an excuse on why they missed out in life. Sounds like they are using this excuse as a 'crutch', (to put it in a metaphor for you) to not partake in things that they didn't want to do. Now don't get me wrong, there are actually a few of them who are cool (like Lauren from Georgia who makes fun of how lame all the girls are), but generally for the most part, Good Lord!

The bachelor guy, Luke, gives me a strange vibe. Like a creepy youth pastor vibe (no offense Jeff), but seriously, he speaks as though he has been thoroughly trained in public speaking, which is a good thing to be trained in, but it comes off to me as just skeevy. He claims to like 'voluptuous' women, but just the way he looks them over (as if he is undressing them with his eyes only to douse them in A1 and eat them like a porterhouse) makes me super queasy.

The women, however, seem to eat it up! One has even gone so far as to tell him that she is in love with him. AND she told him so after being on the show for THREE episodes. So, after the THIRD DATE, she professed her love for him, TO HIS FACE. Why did they not give these women dating manuals?

Also get this, instead of giving out roses, they give out 'promise' rings. How high school is that? Seriously, so cheese ball. Each girl who makes it to the next round, Luke presents with a diamond ring and asks 'Will you wear this ring?' TACKY! THEN, before the next elimination, they all have to return the rings to Luke while he deliberates. Then they all whine about how naked their fingers feel without the rings and how they really really want to get it back because they are so in love with him because he is the first and/or only guy who has ever made them feel special and loved, blah blah.

I'm not trying to overwhelmingly hate on the show, but seriously, did they have to make it so cheesy? I think it's great to showcase women who aren't Size 2, but if these are the only ones that they can find, thanks, but no thanks. I know so many Size 10+ women (including myself) who have dated before, gone to prom, had boyfriends, etc. So why is it that Fox only chose these emotionally unstable sob stories for their show?

Flashback Tuesday

For today's Flashback Tuesday, I thought I would share the story of when I met the black man in my life. Approximately two years ago, I thoroughly perused the Internet/newspaper/Thrifty Nickel in hopes to find the perfect companion for my life. I was sure that having this black man would change my life for the better, so that instead of never being at home, eating out, staying out til the wee hours of the evening, etc. I would stay home and nurture my newest love who depended on me for everything in his life.

So, one day, after much scouring, Sue found him from a breeder/show dog compound in Baton Rouge. The next day, we went and picked him up at a gas station parking lot off I-49 (shady) and then he was mine!!!! Everyone, meet Mr. Pruitt:

This photo was from the very first time that I ever got to meet him. After we picked him up from Shady Gas Station, we took him to Keithy's office for him to get checked out (Keithy is a veterinarian, you know). He checked out perfectly and I took him home and have loved him ever since.

Sad point of the story... Once I finally got him home and living with me and all, my job status changed from regular to movie, which means, that I went from working 8.5 hours in a day to 12+ and I didn't think it was fair to leave Pru Pru at home alone by his lonesome, locked away in a pet carrier for more than half of the day while I was at work. I tried taking him to my parents' house before work every day and then picking him up at night, but this got very tiresome (also, at this point, my parents decided to move from centrally located Line Avenue to basically another country known as Gloster which is even further away than Keithville).

Once they moved, I was out of options. A daily pet sitter was way too expensive so he went to live with my parents. So much for responsibility I suppose. I visit him often and am always so happy to see him, but I miss him so much. One day, when I get a house with a yard (and hopefully a doggie door that Pru will use), I am determined to get him back. In the mean time, he will live in harmony with Sue and Keithy's 4 other little dogs (i.e. Pru's aunts and uncles): Mia, Cookie, Jack and Millie. He gets to play outside in a big yard all day, roll around in dirt, and visit with the aunts and uncles. I think he likes that a lot more than the pet carrier so the end of that story is a happy one. Happy Flashback Tuesday, everyone!

Of All The Times To Get Sick

Well, I went to Ruston on Saturday and hung out and had the best time with the girls, however, I woke up Sunday morning with a flaming throat, stopped up right nostril and stopped up right ear. BOOOO! Normally I wouldn't give a crap, but I have a VERY IMPORTANT job interview tomorrow at 12:30PM and have got to be at 100%. I brought back a bucket of peaches for Sue, but they have so much Vitamin C that I've been devouring them like cough drops. So, for those of you who are the praying kind, pray that the peaches, and this works:

This is a Neti Pot. You pour a nasal rinse packet into the pot, fill it up with warm water, then point in one nostril, while hanging your head over the sink, and the saline solution drains out the other nostril. Some people get squeamish at the thought, but if you are desperate enough (like me), you will do anything to feel better. It honestly works. Like a sinus massage or something.

So anyway, the weekend was super fun. I need to get this job. I won't say what I am interviewing for because it involves a Confidentiality Agreement. But it's really good. MUST FEEL BETTER!!!!

Ways That You Should NOT Run Your Business

Yesterday afternoon, before I headed to wine night, I stopped my liquor store of choice to pick up my very favorite $8.99 Penfolds' Rawson's Retreat Chardonnay. I ALWAYS go to the Thrifty on Youree near LSUS because the people there know me. They never stop me for ID, and I know where everything is so I can always just go straight to the R.R. and be on my way.

So, like I was saying, I stopped in yesterday and the same guy is working that is always working. He has a large variety of tattoos all over himself. He has dyed black (sometimes aqua) hair that is sometimes shaped into a mohawk or sometimes just hanging all in his face. If you have ever been in there, you know the guy that I'm talking about. So, I'm waiting patiently in like with the R.R., waiting on the black lady in front of me to finally lose with her scratch off lotto tickets, after playing them one by one then purchasing more tickets with the winnings, WHILE IN LINE!!! Seriously, move along lady so I can leave already. I try to spend as little time as possible in liquor stores, just because they are pretty skeevy places. Yet, are very similar to town halls, what with the bills that can be paid there, and whatnot.

Once it's finally my turn to check out, the mohawk guy makes me feel a little uneasy. Like he looks at me as if he is going to ask me a really embarrassing question in front of everyone there. I usually try to say as little as possible to avoid provoking him. So, right before he asks me "Will that be all?", he proceeds to pick up a Church's chicken leg, eat the entire contents of the leg in one swift swoop, sucking all remnants off of the bone before throwing it away. Then, he slurps up all remaining grease from his fingers, wipes his hand on his pants, picks up my bottle of wine, scans it, puts it in a bag, takes my debit card, hands me my receipt and sends me on my way. I WAS REPULSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My proof of this true story:

I have never been more grossed out in my life. Thinking about it even now makes me want to vomit. WHO EATS FRIED CHICKEN WHILE CHECKING OUT CUSTOMERS, HANDLING THEIR MERCHANDISE AND MONEY?? I realize that you work at Thrifty Liquor, but still. You are on Youree Drive, man! Have some self respect! After a few glasses last night, I finally got over it but I just wanted you all to know ways to NOT behave if you work in retail. That's what breakrooms are for!!! And chicken strips!!!!

Flashback Tuesday

Happy Flashback Tuesday everyone! Since it is so beautiful outside in the Shreve with all the clouds and downpours and threats of tornadoes and everything, I figured that lots of people would be inside today on the Internet wishing they could go outside and play. Since I strive to make the readers of this little ditty happy on a daily basis, I figured that I would give you lots to look at. Y'all can thank me later.

Since "Yearbook Yourself" is back in action, my darling friend Rachel Schillage has decided to include me in her album. This is what she came up with:

I'm so glad she gave me one with little glasses.

My makeup looks hot!

Alright, then. That was fun. On to the real flashback of Flashback Tuesday. 10 years ago (next summer) the youth group that I grew up with decided to take it's Senior class on a 'Senior Trip'. The fair way to decide where we went was to have everyone vote, right? Okay, so this is what happened. Everyone who had EVER been to church with us showed up on voting day. No really EVERYONE. There were three options of where we could go:

1. Somewhere in the Caribbean, possibly Jamaica, or maybe Cancun.

2. New York City

3. Walt Disney World

Okay, so the members of Sunday School who actually came all the time and I formed an alliance. I was ADAMANT about not going to Disney World. I mean, come on. It is our Senior Trip. Let's go somewhere awesome. So, I talked all of the regulars into voting for New York. Once the votes were in, all of the idiots who NEVER EVEN CAME TO SUNDAY SCHOOL, all outvoted us by like 2 to go to freaking Disney World. And then who were the people who actually went on the trip? None of those jerks who voted for it. NOT ONE OF THEM!!!!! So of course, I had a bad attitude about it the whole time, and still do, but I'm not bitter or anything. Anyway, here is a photo of Mark and myself at WDW wearing some leis or something like we wished we were on a beach. Or in Little Hawaii in New York:

Man, I was a dish! Also, this is before Mark had his under bite fixed. He looks much different now.

That other girl I never saw again after that trip (so I halfway cropped her face out, JUST IN CASE some of you might recognize her), except on John's birthday this year when she was seated at the hibachi table one over from us and was loudly proclaiming how she planned on forcing her boyfriend to marry her after 5 years. Yeah, let us know how that works out for you, Rachel.

Since I promised you a lot to look at, I will deliver on that one. There is another blog which I adore. www.cakewrecks.com The web address should pretty much be self-explanatory for you, so go look at it and enjoy your Flashback Tuesday!

New Poll of the Week!

Last week's poll closed with 9 of you saying that you keep cool in the summer by Never Leaving Pool.

Good choice, although I was disappointed to hear how few of you don't wear clothes. Next time, I suppose.

Well this week, the poll is going to discuss the current trends that are taking over our nation. Which one of these is the most annoying trend that you absolutely cannot stand?

A. The success of artists like Taylor Swift and the Jonas Brothers (who, Thank the Lord are finally starting to dwindle with their fame):

B. Fashion trends such as Ed Hardy and Affliction:

C. Mommy Blogs (self explanatory. No one cares about your child's first poo):

D. Stick Portrait Window Clings (I feel as though I've already been over this one):

E. Mounting your television over your mantle (TACKY. Your living room says a lot about you and I feel that your focal point should never be a 52 inch flatscreen. Save it for your man room.):

F. Twitter (although I have one and was recently attacked for saying that I don't think breastfeeding in public is appropriate. That is why they make breast pumps and bottles. No one wants to see your areolas while they are eating a pepperoni pizza.):

Vote, will you, and have a wonderful Thursday!!!

Target Understands

I don't know how many of you remember me writing THIS POST, but I remember it like it was yesterday, although it was actually over a month ago (June 11th) that I wrote it. Now, I don't know if I ever revealed what my resolution was in regards to this baby shower for a girl that I hadn't seen in 5 years. Well, let me just tell you what a nice person I am.

So, after I get the invitation for said girl and realize that I would be in Seattle during the shower (and jumped for joy), I decided that I should be nice about it and that it was probably the hormones telling her to send me an invite to said shower. So I go to her registry online at this store:

After perusing the registry and picking out a $12 onesie (that's being generous, I thought), adding to cart, refusing gift wrap because it cost extra, and clicking send, I thought, 'Okay Kate, you have finally put this little issue to rest.'

Or so I thought.

Yesterday, yes, I said YESTERDAY (July the 19th), I get an email from Target.com Guest Services telling me that my order was cancelled. They let me know that the onesie's supplier has decided to stop supplying Target. Which is stupid, because that's where everyone registers, or so I thought, but apparently this company has found a better store. So, a month and 8 days after I thought that this issue of the shower is out of the way, I find out that now I really look like a cheapskate because I didn't RSVP or whatever nor, send explanation of why I didn't go (it was all included in the card of the order I was sending). Oh well, I guess.

I told this little story to my friend Kristen and her theory is that Target really knew what the deal was and that they were on my side as far as gift giving goes. They cancelled my order because it was tacky to send me an invite in the first place. It's nice knowing that Target is my alliance and that they decided to backdoor the onesie.

Things Every Girl Should Have

Back around 2005 when I first discovered the joy that is Ebay, I had my mind set upon purchasing this:

Yes, a hot pink Swiss Army Knife! Included in the set up is a pair of scissors, tweezers, a toothpick (ew), a nail file and a little bitty knife. I was so excited when I found out that they actually made pink ones, so I snatched it right up by being an aggressive bidder. Actually, now that I think about it, there was a "Buy It Now" option. I also got one for my sister in law, Annie, that was green (Isn't that nice of me?), but I don't think she realizes the awesomeness that she has been blessed with, unlike myself.

Fast forward a few years please to 2007. So, I am at the Dillards at St. Vincent Mall, looking desperately for a black dress for a bachelorette evening (it may have been for something else, but I think that's what it was). So, I look around the dress section and find two or three that I decide that I want to try on and head to the dressing room.

I try on the first dress and I thought, eh? Next... eh? So the last dress that I tried on was adorable. It fit slightly snugly, but it was super cute. Sold! So, I go to get out of it and something similar to this happened:

The damned thing was stuck. I was freaking stuck in this dress!!!!!! OMG What am I going to do? I am not going to call the lady to come get me out of it. I start sweating. A LOT (I'm pretty sure they keep it hot in those dressing rooms on purpose). Panic sets in. I decide that I should sit down, dress halfway over head, one arm out, one arm in. And think.

"Okay Kate. How are you going to get out of this one? It was so easy to get in that it HAS to come off right? RIGHT?? Dang it, this was such a cute dress too. I'm not going to have this moment happen to me again so I guess I shouldn't get it. How did the designer expect people like me, who are extremely intelligent, to get out of this? (Light bulb goes on!)"

So, what do I do, you ask? I reach into my purse and pull out my hot pink Swiss Army knife that has been with me through thick and thin all of those years. And what do I do with it? That's right. I cut myself out of the dress. With the tiny little scissors. Snip snip snip, right up the side. Once the dress was safely off and I was breathing normally again, I discovered a hidden zipper. Idiot! So, I hung it up on the hanger and nonchalantly strolled out of there to the safety of my car. And had a good laugh.

Moral of the story? ALWAYS have reinforcements!

El Chico and More

So this weekend we had John's Birthday Extravaganza Part Deux beginning with a dinner at his favorite Mexican restaurant in Shreveport: El Chico. There was an amazing turnout of friends that showed up... about twenty... and it ended up being a good time.

When we left The Boy, (after John decided to take his sombrero with him) we headed over to sing some karaoke. On the way over, these two got engaged!!!! Congratulations Joey and Megan Hynes!!! So exciting!

After John and Rex finished singing "The American Trilogy" Mrs. Scoggin showed up.

Shortly after we visited with Jamie, we headed home, but not before snapping a photo with the Sensational Six (Carie and Trav were missing from the Elite 8, so we had to do with the six).


Saturday, John took me to the amazing Don Juanz, famous for their Fresh Mex menu. The fish tacos sound disgusting but are anything but that. If you live in the Shreveport/Bossier Metroplex and haven't tried Don Juanz, I suggest you do. You will never look at Mexican food the same. http://www.donjuanz.com/

Saturday evening, John wanted to watch the UFC fight. So he and his coaching buddies got together to watch it, while their pregnant wives and myself (neither preg or a wife) sat downstairs and visited. Well, let me just say that I heard enough in a few hours about pushing a baby out of a V, episiotomies, enemas, lamaze class, baby bedding, breast pumping, nipple cream, pediatricians, gas, cravings, morning sickness, strollers, cribs, due dates, NICU's, hospitals, changing rooms, baby monitors, registering, and rice cereal to do me for my entire life. No thank you, babies.

So that's the weekend recap. (Oh! And we saw Bruno. Not as funny as Borat. So, don't waste your time or money.) Big Brother last night was eh. I'm ready for it to get ugly!

Mistakes (Part 2)

I warn you, readers, that never, under any circumstances, never, should you watch this show on Discovery Health:

I don't know why, but at some point last night between watching a Chelsea re-run (I guess she doesn't have new shows on Wednesdays) and the local news featuring Jim Belushi, I somehow and for whatever God-forsaken reason, turned the channel to Discovery Health. "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" was on and I figured, how could these IDIOTS not know that they were pregnant, I mean really.

Well, apparently, you can go full term and right on into labor without missing your 'Devil's Way Of Saying Hello', have no cravings, develop no bump, etc. etc. All of these women's only sign was fatigue. One had lower back pain. One thought she had OVARIAN CANCER (she was 57 and was tampering with in vitro, so she should have known she'd get pregnant, the idiot)!

Nothing sounds scarier to me than going along with your day and your water breaking, followed by crouching on your bedroom floor while your 9 year old cuts the umbilical cord. Seriously, people, do yourself a favor and DON'T WATCH! Unless, you really want a baby of your own and these would be success stories in your eyes.

I guess if you MUST watch, don't watch the show that immediately follows "Obese and Pregnant" (what is it? Baby week or something?), unless you want a really nice self esteem boost... then by all means, go ahead.

Things That Should Be Surprising, But Aren't

Last night John and I decided to eat at a semi-local establishment for dinner because I got a $5 coupon in the mail. We love finding opportunities to be cheap. So we pull into the parking lot directly next to this:

I feel as though The Diddle Martins have already touched on this topic, but I figured, it is semi-rare that you get an opportunity to get up close and personal with one of these train wrecks, so why not talk about it? Behold, the "Spaghetti O's" car. Please take note at how detailed these people are with their Mazda 626. The rims:

It is as though the wheels are covered in tiny Spaghetti O's that have escaped from the can. On the trunk is the bar code. You know, in case you want to scan it:

Also if you really look hard there is the phone number to the company that painted this car in this fashion... you know, if you are interested in transforming your Sister Civ from a natural Taffeta White into the Suave Strawberry Shampoo car. One last photo, the Nutritional Information Sunroof:

That should wrap up all of the classiness from the pre-dinner parking lot experience. After we ate our fill of chips and queso, we decided that we should make it an official date night and go see The Hangover (warning, rant coming):

I was pretty disappointed with it, to be perfectly honest. I don't know if I didn't like it because it was super predictable, or because people had spoiled parts of it that were 'so hilarious' so I knew what was coming, or if I was trying to figure out the whole time why everyone in the world seemed to think it was the funniest movie of all time. I thought that Heather Graham did a good job and that's about it. I laughed at the credit photos, but I left the theater thinking, Really? That's it? It might not have helped that I saw it with John who was cynical about it based on all of the hype.

Well, I got a surprise when I got home, that's for sure. Evel Dick commented on my blog about Big Brother! I couldn't believe it. It may very well be an impostor, but since it says that he is in the agriculture business on his blog profile, that makes me think it's for real. So, Flashback Tuesday turned out to be an abnormally banner day!

Things That Happen When Kate-Naps Are Interrupted

Lately I have had NO energy. Seriously, none. This may stem back to Friday (unexpected day off when Nancy and I went to meet a friend for a margarita at 430PM at the Oyster Bar and didn't return home until 3AM.

All in one night I managed to run into a girl I taught at Disciple Now 3 years ago, a guy that I had a cyber screaming match with 4 years ago, and a girl that I roomed with in France 5 years ago. Not to mention, I had greasy hair, was wearing a tshirt and had no makeup on. AND it was 102 degrees outside so I was all sweaty and shiny. Ugh. Somehow we managed to go from Oyster Bar to Fat Boys to Fat Cats to El Dorado (where I ran into Losing Anna and the entire city of Shreveport) to Fatty Arbuckles to Stray Cat to home. By the way, there are way too many Cats and Fats in this town. Yeah, so it was an intense pub crawl.)

Anyway, I've been sleeping a lot lately. Like I was saying, it may stem back to bad decisions, or possibly a thyroid issue. I'm still paying off a dermatology visit so I have to pay that off before I have other things checked out (paying for my own insurance is costly). So, Sunday night I went to bed at 7 and last night I decided upon a Kate-Nap around 6. People kept texting me, so I ended up having a break from sleeping at 930ish where I got up and went downstairs to watch The Bachelorette (Jillian is a moron) and Chelsea.

I was all nestled on the couch when around midnight my doorbell rang. I froze and my heart started pounding very intensely. Seriously, there was no way in hell that I was going to answer that doorbell. I thought, if this was someone that I know, they would have sent me a text or called to tell me they are coming over. So it was most likely a child pranking me, or a rapist/murderer. (John warns me to never answer the door, even during the daytime. Goes along with the whole don't talk to strangers deal.)

So what do I do? I mute the TV, slide off the couch and army crawl to the bathroom where I hoped to go unnoticed. I stayed there until I decided that it was safe to come out, turn off the TV and lamp (very slowly and quietly) and tip-toe upstairs back to bed under the covers. I texted John and he was all like "Don't answer the door. If it happens again, I'll send a car out (which really made me giggle on the inside. FYI his father is retired Shreveport Police.)" So, I laid there until I fell asleep again.

Well, this morning, I woke up and tip-toed downstairs (I guess in case the doorbell-ringer was still there waiting on me) and made my coffee and got ready to go to work. I opened the front door slowly and peek outside. Nothing on stoop. No extinguished flaming bag of crap, no DVD (someone left one once), and no dead people or blood. So I glance over at my car and there is this on my windshield:

I was thinking "What the crap?!? I never get this stuff. Someone scared the hell out of me last night to leave a rose on my windshield? Was it John? A secret admirer (I have many)?" So I texted John and asked him if he happened to leave anything on my car and he said 'Maybe'.

OK. Mystery solved. Whew! Moral of the story is that I decided that I should toughen up slightly and that John is a sneaky (and sweet) guy.

Pageants

Back in high school, my mother made me compete in my high school's beauty pageant. It was called "Our Miss Millenium"(original for Southwood since it was the year 2000 and all). So against my will, we went and got a dress, put on WAY too much makeup and pranced around on a stage. That was the same year that there was an ice storm in Shreveport prohibiting the pageant from being a two night event. Normally during the first night, the 50 or so contestants would be dwindled down to 25, therefore leaving half of the girls with some sense of pride of beating out the other half.

Since this year hell froze over, and the show could not go on, it was all squeezed into one night. I, did not make the Top 10. I was disappointed, but mostly just ready to wash my face. However, there was still a chance at winning Miss Congeniality. After all of the votes were counted, a girl named Angela Griffie won Miss Congeniality. Oh well, I thought, I'm sure she was a nice girl. I had this attitude until it was revealed to me that she VOTED FOR HERSELF!!!!!

First of all, who does that? Second of all, I was one vote away!!!!!!! I would have gotten a big ass trophy and something to brag about for years to come if I had only voted for myself as well. Then we would have had a vote-off and I definitely would have won. I mean, I am so much more likeable than her. Anyway, I am not bitter and have moved on. Or so I thought.

I wonder if Ole Angela received one of these in her mailbox before she left on vacation for Seattle:

That's right. I received an application to become Miss Louisiana!!!!! It seems that after all those years, the pageant world has finally seen what they have been missing. In your face, Angela!

Childhood Reflections

Look how pretty these leaves are!

Now, imagine about a thousand of them, dead and buried in between thousands of these:

So, when my brother and I were children, my parents decided it would be a good idea to get a 'rock garden.' Why? I have NO earthly idea. My brother and I protested because we didn't understand their reasoning behind this rock garden, and honestly, flowers are prettier than rocks, but whatever. So, off they went making their beloved garden. I'm pretty sure Jeff and I stayed inside and watched either Old Yeller or Miracle on 34th Street (since these were the only two movies we owned that weren't cartoons), while they planted. Finally it was finished and it looked something like this (except remove cacti and insert gigantic oak trees. Also it was about 10 times this size):

Neat, I thought. A garden, minus flowers. Whatever. Whatever is right! It turns out that my parents secretly had devised a plan for when Jeff and I were to be punished. We would be banished to the 100 degree+ heat whenever we had done something wrong and we were to pick the leaves out of the rock garden. Just thinking back upon this, I wince. I remember wishing so many times to trade lives with Peaches the rat terrier because she didn't have to pick the leaves out of the rock garden. It was absolute torture. There were THOUSANDS of them, literally thousands!

So, yesterday when we went over to John's parents house for Father's day, I noticed that there was an unfinished fenced area around the side of their new house. I asked John, "What's going on over there?" He replied "Oh, Dad wants to build a rock garden." I instantly was teleported back to the age of 7 when I would get bloody and chapped fingers digging out those leaves. Poor Mackenzie and Jon-Thomas (John's 4 and 3 year old sister and brother.) They have no idea about their father's maniacal plan of what is in store for them in the upcoming years.

The Other Woman

I'm not sure how many ladies actually know what it's like to be the "Other Woman" when you are with a man.  Well, I do!  

Let me just say that being cheated on sucks, especially when it is going on in front of me constantly.  Most of the time I will be in the middle of a sentence, only to see a far away look on John's face.   This is when I know that he is thinking of her.   He would rather be looking at her or touching her, but he doesn't want me to get mad so he tries to play it off and pretend that he was paying attention to me the whole time.

I'd like everyone to meet the Other Woman in John's life.  I call her "Roxanne":

Not only is she a gigantic whore who he pays for a good time, but she also has a BLINKING RED LIGHT!!!!  Could she be more loose?   I think not.  

This is how John behaves when she is around.  He should be socializing with friends, or being the center of attention, Instead:

It's ongoing and I don't know how to stop it.  I try to hide Roxanne from John but it always ends in me getting yelled at.   I've been threatened that if I take her and break her face then he will not speak to me for a very long time.   He always takes her side!!!

I guess at least Roxanne isn't an X-Box...

Things That I Should Probably Just Go Ahead and Get Over

An open letter to the driver of this Ford Mustang:

Who the heck do you think you are? You park in the community parking garage as if you drive a Benz. You have invested in your MUSTANG an paint job that consists of a maroon color crossed with black crossed with splatter paint. This is a crime against not only, your precious Mustang, but my eyes! You then force the rest of the workers in our building to park like so:

I don't know if you realize this, but your MUSTANG is over ten years old. That body style stopped being produced in 1997, therefore your MUSTANG COUPE 2Door, even in excellent condition, cannot be worth more than a $1,600 trade in value (according to Kelly Blue Book). So, seriously, you aren't fooling the rest of us. Park in ONE parking place and stop being a douchebag.

Sincerely,

Kate Warren and Gladpys the Sister Civic

PS. I know you are from Keithville.

Things That Suck

John, bless his heart, has been hard at work photo-documenting his trip for me. I told him to take as many pictures as he can and email them to me (with captions) so that I can feel as though I am right there with him. What an angel! This is the one that lulled me to sleep last night:

Most of John's photos are blurry because he is embarrassed to use the flash in front of people (I told him, "it's not like you'll ever see those people again. Flash away (not that kind of flashing)!"), so I have to deal with it and attempt to decipher these photos. Well, according to this photo he went last night to a San Diego watering hole and noticed that they served my favorite wine! This looks to me to be the Penfolds Hyland Shiraz that I blogged about a few weeks ago. John's Man-Training is finally starting to bear some fruit. It's only taken a year.

Anyway, so I was so excited about getting to enjoy some wine this weekend when I stumbled across this article online this morning:

WORST IDEA EVER!

If you can't or don't feel like reading the article, I'll summarize. Basically the government is going to increase the Sin Tax on beer/wine/hard liquor in order to pay for health care costs under the Messiah's Universal Health Care Plan. The people who will be paying the most tax are the (guess who) wine drinkers with a 233% tax increase per bottle. Beer drinkers will see a 145% increase per six pack and hard liquor drinkers will have 19% increase per fifth. (Note to self, Screwdrivers and Bloody Mary's will have to become new drink of choice.)

Oh also, soda (not diet soda) and sugary drinks will see a 3 cent tax increase on 12 ounce bottles. Yeah, because that's fair. So after 10 years, this tax will raise $50 billion to go towards healthcare for people who don't feel like paying for it.

Kate is officially mad. Why can't they increase tax on fast food? Plastic surgery? Elective surgery? Butter? Tanning? Potato chips? Televisions? Game systems? I mean seriously. I would consider moving to Europe or somewhere else, but they are worse off than America at this point.