Being A Bridesmaid

To me, there isn't a greater honor than a friend inviting you to be in her wedding, especially as a bridesmaid. I know that a lot of people groan and complain about it, but really, they feel good inside because they beat out so many other people that they thought would be picked and eventually weren't. Suckas! Anyway, my dear friend Laura has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming nuptials to her fiance, Marcus. The happy couple:

Nothing says true love like people in drag! So anyway, the last couple of weeks she has been on the bridesmaid's dress search which, that itself is enough to make any bridesmaid concerned. A bridesmaid's dress makes it or breaks it for the wedding experience of said bridesmaid. If they are uncomfortable or hate their dress, then they are pissed the whole time and sit around complaining about it to anyone with ears.

So, imagine my delight when an absolutely amazing dress was chosen for the bridesmaids!!! I mean, seriously, gorgeous. I may, actually, wear it again. No really. I know you don't believe me, but I really will. And it was a decent price! Whew.

Now that I don't worry about wearing something God-awful, my next worry consists of the same feeling that Bridesmaid #5 feels in her friend's wedding photos:

Bless her heart! I know what she is feeling, because this is about to be me in this wedding. Laura's other bridesmaids are all practically runway models who prefer 'blah' over savory OR sweet. I lost my personal runway model status after high school when I forgot where the gym was located and discovered Better Cheddars.

So, I have decided to enroll myself in Bridesmaid Boot Camp stat! I refuse to be the fat bridesmaid. My new diet consists of juice, water, cottage cheese, fish (not fried) and celery. If you catch me consuming anything that isn't on that list, punch me in the face. Please.