Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Things That Could Go Horribly Wrong (Part Deaux) And Did

My precious mother requested the presence of John and I at church on Sunday. Apparently the church was offering free family portraits for Mother's Day, so of course, Sue wanted one. Off we go.

We get there at like 1030 (always a little early) and make our way through the greeters (it was almost like running a football route to get around them). We spot Keithy, looking VERY exasperated, near the Welcome Area. He gives me a look as if to say 'Thank God you are here, I am miserable trying to keep Miller from squawling and throwing fits, etc.' I look at John with worry in my eyes because, oh great, we are about to cause a scene trying to get this photo taken.

We get over near the Queen Anne wingbacked chair and I say, "We'll get in the back!!!!!!!" only for the 'Photographer' to place me perched atop an arm about to fall into Sue's lap. Not happy. Oh yeah, Miller is SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER at this point. Apparently, my brother has taught him how much fun drums can be so that's what he'd rather be doing. Funny, I'd rather be in a mental institution. So Annie steps away with Miller and they take one of only Sue, Keithy, John, Jeff and I. We think THANK GOD ITS OVER. And mosey into the sanctuary.

But of course that isn't good enough. Sue stamps her foot and says "I want one with Miller in it!" (take note Annie, you weren't requested. Your feelings should be hurt). So after Miller gets his pacifier AND a drum stick in his hand we try to round everyone up again:

Don't be fooled, readers, these are not looks of happiness. Anyway, we FINALLY got the picture and moved on to the service.

I won't mention how the church service was, but I will say that I felt as though I was in the middle of a 90 minute Timeshare Presentation. Not only was it Baby Dedication day (which is more like a parade to see who lost the baby weight the fastest) but it was 'Let's Play The Oldest Mother/Mother With the Most Children/Mother that Traveled the Farthest to Sit Through This Standing In the Room Gets A Flower Game.' At one point I looked over and Sue was clipping her nails (I AM NOT JOKING).

I'm just glad it's over and that Sue got her picture.


Anonymous said...

Big Sue CRACKS ME UP! Im just sad I wasnt there to see all this in person...

Kate said...

Don't be sad. Thank your lucky stars!

melissa said...

haha!! "who lost their baby weight the fastest" hahahahaha! Oh, so true!

Stephanie Jordan said...

Does that church actually ever have just a regular ol' church service? There was always some special occasion. I want four songs, an offering, special music, a sermon and a benediction.

Kate said...

Amen, Steph.